“I can’t wait until…”
It’s something I say almost daily. Why CAN’T I wait? I don’t have a choice but to wait, so why do I fill conversations with my excitement towards something in the future? I live for exciting things going on in my life. Whether it’s a friend’s wedding, a trip, or just date night on Saturday night, I’m looking forward to it! Sometimes I feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to, so I dwell on how boring my life is. Don’t get me wrong, my life is by no means boring. Bill and I do a lot of fun things, events, projects, etc… but my personality needs to plan ahead. Going on a trip in 3 months? Sweet! Now let’s make a packing list, budget for spending money, go shopping, and spend each waking moment in preparation for that trip. I guess I’m spreading out the excitement, making it last longer.
Why, though, can I not just enjoy today because God gave it to me? Wake up in the morning feeling like I have a purpose greater than planning for something in the future? There are times when we don’t have something to look forward to. Those are the times I think I might get borderline depressed. That’s stupid Karah! Just because you don’t have an event coming up in the near future is NO reason to feel down! This is what I tell myself, but it doesn’t work. So I plan something to look forward to. Quick fixes, like a drug, call up some friends and plan something for that weekend, look up concert schedules, or plan a quick trip.
I’m addicted to planning and excitement. I need it or I feel like I’m going to implode (not EXplode because that would be exciting, IMplode because I feel like I’ll just crumble into myself and sink into the ground, less exciting). I need to kick the habit and realize today is an event! Today is a special day too. Today I’m going to work, cooking dinner, and going to watch my husband play softball. Why can’t today be special? Who knows, I could make a difference in someone’s life today just by being me. Someone needs me focusing on today so that I can make them feel loved. I want to be present in today, not just going through the paces until I can get to that next milestone of excitement.
This past weekend we attended my Sister’s church in Akron. The pastor said “once you start focusing on something you don’t have, everything you DO have becomes insufficient, imperfect.” We live in a world where we’re told daily “you need this,” “you have to have something, and have it right now!” No, no you don’t. Unless you’re in line for an organ transplant you DON’T need it right now. I don’t need to have something big planned each weekend. I can just look forward to the softball game tonight because my husband loves to play softball and I’ll get to share that small experience with him, no other reason. God has provided enough for me. Once I start focusing on today and what I already have instead of focusing on what I don’t have (things or events) I’ll stop feeling like I need something. I have friends and family who need me present in today, focusing on being me and being their friend.