Everyone keeps asking “How’s married life?” I’m not sure what the proper response should be because most people don’t seem satisfied with “good.” Bill and I have been married for almost 2 months now and we are good. Sure things are different now that we’re married. He doesn’t have to leave at the end of the night, we share all our finances, and I genuinely feel that we are a team and going through life together. I want to make him happy and I want to be a good wife. That’s why I’m writing this today. My mother has set an impossible standard as to what a good wife and mother should look like so I’m constantly striving to be like her and make our life perfect.
This is one of the hardest parts of married life. My mother did it all, she cooked, cleaned, kept us kids alive, made sure the house ran perfectly, the bills were paid, the grass was cut, etc… she didn’t work outside the home because she worked full time at home (and then some). Dad made sure to work hard at the office so that Mom could stay at home with us. I don’t ever remember Dad doing the dishes or the laundry (he did the manly things like take care of the cars, the garage, fixed things, and the major landscaping); I think I saw Dad make a PB&J sandwich once. Mom seriously did it all! (Note: now that Dad is retired he does it all too, letting mom retire too. Except the cooking thing, Mom’s just awesome at feeding people deliciousness). This is what’s not clicking in my head yet. I am trying to do all the stuff my mom did (minus the kid part, so far) and work full time! Bill gets up at 4am to go to work which means he goes to bed about 8:30 each night. Trying to be the good wife, I want my schedule to match his. I wake up at 4:00am with him, pack his lunch, and send him out the door. I then fight the urge to go back to bed for another 2 hours before I actually need to get ready for work. I do our laundry, clean the house, wash the dishes, prep dinner for that evening, then shower and get myself ready for work. This is where the balance comes in… Bill actually wants to help out but I don’t let him. Why Karah?!?!? WHY????!!!!
As much as I cannot deny her because I look exactly like her, I’m NOT my Mother. I need to let go of the Happily Ever After (which is what I remember having as I grew up) and live in real life. I work 45 plus hours a week, Bill works 50 hours a week, we have friends, family, we have bills to pay, we have a dog, and we want to have fun! I won’t be a good wife to Bill if I am constantly feeling like I have to do everything. It’s exhausting! Bill loves to cook (especially if it involves using any of our new knives), why don’t I let him cook with me more or better yet let him make dinner? Bill will put his laundry away without me asking, if I don’t rush to put it away and clean it all up before he gets home. Why don’t I let him?
A friend of mine sent me a text the other day. It said “Hi.” That’s all. With that simple one word text I thought, “oh no, I haven’t hung out with her in forever, I don’t even think I have texted her to check in!” Crap I’m a bad friend… And all she texted was “hi.” She is a wife also and has been for 3 years now. She is not my mother either, in fact she is very different from my mother. She and her husband share all the house hold responsibilities. At the end of the day things get done, they have time to hang out with friends, go for a run, play basketball, etc… She reminded me the importance of sharing. Not my toys, but the responsibilities. I want to be more like her AND my mom… I still want to do it all but not at the expense of relationships. Bill is an amazing husband and a fantastic supporter and cheerleader. Let it go Karah… just let it go…
Side note: This just an insight into my married life so far. I still WANT to do it all, I’m happy when I HAVE done it all, I’m just realizing that it’s not easy to do it all. I need to find the balance. Bill and I are learning together and we are having a blast figuring out OUR marriage.